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Welcome to

The Inn

Jason and Sarah welcome you to The Inn

Proper hand pulls. Questionable opening hours. One excellent mild.

ENTERTAINMENT AT THE INN

Jukebox Know the tune, not the number? We’ve done the faffing for you. FIND A SONG CEEFAX 1980s Teletext. Proper nostalgia. TUNE IN Quiz Night 15 questions. 15 seconds. Management is watching. HAVE A GO Fruit Machine Free play. Questionable prizes. TAKE A SPIN
The Inn Hornchurch Games Lounge. Oxblood Chesterfield chairs beside a fireplace; whisky and ice, cigar in its ashtray and a board game on a mahogany table. Enter the Games Lounge. ENTER THE GAMES LOUNGE
✦   THE INN JUKEBOX   ✦
NOW PLAYING · THE INN JUKEBOX
Waiting for a tune…
Nothing playing at the moment

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Latest notice from management: Dark Mild situation satisfactory.

The Front Room Inn

Serving Hornchurch since fairly recently. Previous visitors include friends, relatives, neighbours and several people who only came round to drop something off.

The Inn bar with its stained glass, hanging tankards and pub decorations
Bar detail with taps, BAR light, and beer-mat ceiling
Another angle of The Inn with vintage signs and hanging tankards

Jason and Sarah built The Inn the old-fashioned way — plywood, mahogany stain, a worrying amount of enthusiasm, and absolutely no involvement from an interior designer.

There are proper hand pulls, optics on the gantry, supermarket spirit offers, and enough glassware hanging from the beams to suggest we may have a licensing problem.

Welcome to Hornchurch’s very own Club Tropicana — fun and sunshine, optional dancing, and enough for everyone.

Theakston Dark Mild on the pump.
Because someone said “we should open a pub” and nobody said no.

More from Management

The ceiling is the business plan.

Every glass was paid for — original contents, that is.

Every tankard hanging from the ceiling has poured something worth remembering. Or something someone can't remember.

Nothing matches. Everything has a story.

And if there’s an empty bit of wall, shelf, beam or ceiling, it’s clearly not being used properly.

It’s a proper little boozer. A bit wonky, a bit overfilled, and absolutely no chance of anyone calling it tidy.

Built with love, questionable DIY skills and the firm belief that you can never have too much glassware. Sarah would like it formally recorded that not all of this was her idea.

All that’s missing is the landlords… …and any convincing explanation for how it got this far.

THE INN · HORNCHURCH · BEVERAGE DEPARTMENT

Behind the Bar

Proper hand pulls, generous measures and absolutely no tasting notes. Here's what's currently on offer — subject to somebody remembering the shopping.

THE FULL BAR MENUOPEN / CLOSE

FROM THE CELLAR & BEHIND THE GANTRY SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY

The Inn drinks list is updated by management. No promises until the glass is in your hand.

More Around The Inn

There is always something else that requires management's attention.

🍺 DRINKSInspect the pumps 📷 PHOTOGRAPHSEvidence released by Management ✉ CORRESPONDENCEPraise, complaints and administrative concern 📅 EVENTSFixtures & functions 🔑 MEMBERSPersons known to Management

Correspondence & complaints

Selected testimony from persons known to the management. Complaints are logged, considered and then discussed over a pint. View the correspondence.

Sarah’s notices

Issued when informal hints have failed.

NOTICE 04/26

Glasses

That's how we got ours, please return.

— Sarah
NOTICE 07/26

New pub stuff

There is no more room on the walls. Finding a smaller sign does not create more room.

— Sarah
NOTICE 09/26

Closing time

“One for the road” is not a recognised extension to opening hours.

— Sarah
CATERING 02/26

Crisps

Subject to visitor donation.

— Sarah

Overheard at The Inn…

Management accepts no responsibility for the quality of conversation at the bar.

Rules, regulations & local by-laws

Issued by the Management Committee. Enforcement is inconsistent but can be surprisingly personal.

READ THE FULL RULE BOOK
01

Mind the tankards

They're decorative until they aren't. Arms up for YMCA is a health & safety incident.

02

Bring a story

Or a good moan about the weather, the trains, or “what’s happened to pubs these days.” We are what’s happened.

03

Leave the mats

The ceiling collection is closed. Your coaster stays on the bar. Anyone caught nicking one will be expected to replace it with two of equal or greater pubworthiness.

04

No early nights

Saying “I should go” does not count as leaving. We have heard this before. We have receipts.

05

Respect the mild

Theakston Dark Mild is not a starter. It is the main event. Arguments will be settled by another pint.

06

Phone photos welcome

Upload the good ones. Delete the ones that prove you tried karaoke. The house has a reputation to maintain (sort of).

07

The dog outranks you

If she's on the good sofa, you're on the stool with the wonky leg. This is not up for negotiation.

08

“Cheeky pint” terminology

First offence: warning. Second offence: mild.

09

Last orders

The Inn does not operate a formal last-orders policy. Eventually Sarah goes to bed and things become self-regulating.

10

Complaints

Should be submitted in writing to the landlord, where they will receive the attention they deserve.

Open when the landlord's Inn! Opening hours are approximate. Knock politely, and if nobody answers — We've buggered off to Wetherspoons.
Premises ref.HCH-FH-1974*
Cellar statusSATISFACTORY
House rating3½ PUMPS
Opening statusPROVISIONAL

*Domestic premises reference only. Not a licence, permit, charter, royal warrant or invitation for anyone official to visit.